I have a secret. It's one I think many physicians and nurses share. Sometimes, when I'm stretched too thin — overbooked, hungry, tired, fielding yet another appeal to an insurance company in the middle of a clinic day — I find myself momentarily resenting the patients on my schedule.
As soon as this happens, I feel immediate guilt. These are the worst moments of my day. Why the heck would I resent my patients? They're the entire reason I'm there. I wouldn't be a physician without patients to care for. I became a physician, and completed subspecialty training, to help patients. People.
Recently, I started thinking more about this emotion of resentment. What exactly is it, and where does it come from? Is what I'm feeling actually resentment? Or is it something else?
Two books I've recently read have helped me explore the complicated emotion of resentment and how it might play a role in burnout for both physicians and nurses.
First, Brené Brown's most recent book, Atlas of the Heart: Mapping Meaningful Connection and the Language of Human Experience, provides a roadmap for 87 of our human emotions. (That's right — 87!)
One emotion of the 87 that she shares has been a particular struggle for her has been our good old friend, resentment.
