Growing up, we were taught that crying was a sign of weakness or lack of control. I remember my surgeon mother telling me not to cry in front of people as they would see me as a weak person, and I would quickly dry my tears and put on the same brave face that I saw many times on my mother. She had navigated a male-dominated environment since she was a medical student in the early 1980s, and through her entire career, being weak was not an option for her.
As the years passed, I continued to suppress tears or at least hide them very well. I would run to the hospital bathroom or wait until I was in my car to let my emotions flourish and cry. I thought my patients did not want to see me crying because it would make them feel like I did not have control of the situation.
During oncology training, you quickly learn that a tissue box is required in each patient room. Tissues can be used for happy or sad tears. You are trained to offer a tissue to your patients immediately after they start crying. As the years passed, I struggled with this scenario.
